


and if i could, i’d get you the moon

by lookoutlovers



Series: minute par minute [3]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Eliott POV, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, One Shot, Prompt Fill, a little angsty, but a soft ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 05:34:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19882471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookoutlovers/pseuds/lookoutlovers
Summary: for the prompts: “i’ll keep you safe,” and “talk to me.”





	and if i could, i’d get you the moon

**Author's Note:**

> for the anon who asked for numbers 41 and 54 from [this prompt list](https://look-out-lovers.tumblr.com/post/186265790247/angstfluff-prompt-list-mvps) enjoy!!
> 
> title is from ‘get you the moon’ by kina

There’s a small gap where the edge of Eliott’s bedroom window meets the insulating layer that’s supposed to keep the cold out. It causes a piercing whistle to disseminate around his room from the strong wind rustling outside. There is also an intermittent clanking sound coming from his radiator that surfaces every two minutes or so. It’s like Eliott’s ears are just waiting for it, on edge until it eventually creaks and ends up catching him off guard every time. Then there’s the niggling  _ drip, drip, drip _ of the leaky faucet in the bathroom connected to his room. The door is shut, but the thud of water hitting the ceramic surface is constant, and it is irritatingly harsh in the stillness of the night.

Eliott is finding it more difficult by the minute to block out the various sounds causing a ruckus in his brain. It’s edging on two in the morning — he knows this because the clock in the corner of his room has been ticking incessantly since he first got into bed almost four hours ago.

But these noises aren’t the only catalysts to Eliott’s inability to fall asleep. His mind is racing like crazy. He had thought for a while it was the beginnings of another episode, that familiar inability to rest. At first it had caused anxiety to claw at his skin, dread curling inside of his stomach as he lay there in the dark, blinking up at his shadowless ceiling waiting for something, anything to happen. It is unnerving and excruciating, the wait, that is.

Eliott isn’t having an episode though, no, he isn’t. And although it induces a similar sort of feeling — how sleep seems unreachable, limbs restless, mind hyper aware of its surroundings to an excessive extent, all these things and, yet, it’s not. Eliott knows this. It’s something else. 

About four months have passed since his last episode, the one where he ran out into the middle of the night leaving Lucas alone and afraid out of his damn mind on that boat. Four months since Lucas had promised him it wouldn’t change anything, that he was willing to make this work between them; minute by minute.

It doesn’t mean Eliott still doesn’t get those thoughts, though, the heavy ones. They involuntarily work their way into his mind all on their own.  _ You’re too much work _ , they say,  _ he’s not going to stick around when things get bad again. _

And it doesn’t mean Eliott lacks trust in his and Lucas’ relationship, or doubts Lucas’ word — because he doesn’t doubt that for one damn second. But he can’t help how his mind takes control of his thoughts like that, sometimes.

So. Maybe Eliott is spiralling a little. And maybe it’s stupid, but his head is screaming at him, and everything is just so excruciatingly  _ loud _ .

A thought comes, one that’s sudden, Eliott thinks of his voice, his smile, the coruscating blue of his eyes that would drown you if you let it. And he just — Eliott needs to hear his voice, if even just for a second. Maybe that’s unfair, when the night is this far in, but it’s the only thing he thinks will be able to ease his mind right now.

He dials Lucas’ number from memory, just because he can, because recalling the digits gives him something physical to focus on.

Lucas’ voice, when he eventually picks up, is hoarse, soft as he mumbles a disoriented, “Hello?” Eliott knows he’s probably woken him up, and he feels a little bad, the knowledge of it scorns him.

“Hey, it’s me,” he says quietly, not wanting to startle Lucas any further in his sleepy state. 

“Oh, hi.” Lucas sounds only vaguely more awake now, a bit worried. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Eliott breathes, “I couldn’t sleep, just wanted to hear your voice.” And it sounds stupid now that he’s saying it aloud, he feels wrong, annoying,  _ look what you’re making him put up with. “ _ Sorry, I woke you,” he mumbles, ashamed mostly, “I can call in the morning, instead.” 

“No!” Lucas whispers urgently to stop Eliott from hanging up. “That’s okay, I want to hear your voice too,” he murmurs. Eliott can almost hear the upward tilt of his lips as he says the words.

Eliott hums. Lucas’ voice, it calms. It’s familiar like an old story, something Eliott feels like he could get lost in. But the tinny connection of their phones only goes so far, and although Eliott feels slightly less on edge there is something taunting him, still.

In other words, it isn’t enough. 

He needs to  _ see _ Lucas, to hear him in person, to be able to touch him, and feel him, and breathe him in. He’s not sure where the sudden urge comes from, but it’s there now and it devours him.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Lucas’ question doesn’t come pryingly, it’s merely curious. Eliott appreciates how Lucas always asks how he’s doing in that way — in a way that Eliott doesn’t feel pressured to answer, but when he does Lucas is patient and ready to listen. Never too much, but always enough.

“My house is really loud,” Eliott chuckles lightly, as if it serves as any kind of explanation in the slightest. But Lucas seems to get it. Lucas always gets it. His responding chuckle is quiet, probably not wanting to wake his flatmates at such an ungodly hour. 

“Come over?” Lucas says, then, it falls somewhere vaguely between a question and a statement.

”Give me ten minutes,” Eliott smiles into his phone. 

When Eliott arrives at Lucas’ apartment, he sends him a quick,  _ I’m outside, _ text instead of knocking, because it’s late and he’s pissed off Lucas’ flatmates at these kind of late hours one too many times already.

Lucas looks breathtakingly adorable when he swings the front door open to greet Eliott. His hair is sticking up in all different unruly directions, his eyes a little puffy from sleep and a wide tired smile is spread across his face.  _ Soft _ , Eliott thinks, and then, a bit more hopelessly,  _ how are you mine? _

He gets dragged in through the apartment and into Lucas' bedroom by the loose material of his sleeve. Lucas’ hand grasps on tightly and then moves straight to his middle once Eliott has toed off his shoes and they’ve barricaded themselves beneath the covers. Lucas hugs him close by the waist, burrowing his head into Eliott’s chest and letting out a content sigh. Eliott pulls him closer by the shoulders, nudging his nose into Lucas’ soft hair. It smells clean, familiar like vanilla soap and boy. It’s comforting, and it makes the tangle in his head unravel just a little.

“Did you get scared by the loud noises?” Lucas whispers, peeking his head up from Eliott’s chest and smiling a little impishly.

Eliott lets out an amused breath, hand running through Lucas’ hair. “Of course not.”

”You weren’t even just a bit scared?” 

And it all feels too familiar. Eliott smiles. “At least I’m not afraid of the dark.” 

Lucas ignores the lighthearted dig. “Don’t worry,” he unwinds his arms from Eliott’s waist and cradles his face with his hands, says, “I’ll keep you safe.” There’s a teasing edge to his tone, but his eyes are sincere.

“I know,” Eliott murmurs. He does know. He knows that Lucas has his back no matter what, just like how he has Lucas’ in return. They’re a team, built like this, a bit like stone.

It doesn’t deter the thoughts, though. 

_ What if tonight had been an episode? _ they say,  _ you couldn’t have come running to Lucas. _ There loud, resounding. _ You can’t rely on him to be there every time, he might not stick around forever.  _ Deafening, they are, exhausting.

Lucas must notice the sudden shift in Eliott’s mood, or the quietness that takes over, as he frowns, asks, lowly, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Eliott purses his lips.. He tries to sort out all the things in his head, the good from the bad, the rational from the irrational. But it’s so  _ hard _ , and he’s so  _ tired _ , and he just—

”Hey,” Lucas whispers, lifting Eliott’s fallen face up with a gentle finger under his chin, “talk to me.” 

Eliott looks up to see the solicitude swimming within Lucas’ pacific eyes. They pull Eliott in, even in the dim room where everything else is ill-defined and dark, Lucas’ eyes light up — they glisten, they’re stunning. Eliott lets out a shaky breath, slightly apprehensive.

“I thought I was having an episode.” His voice quivers, it’s a lot, to admit as such. It induces a sense of vulnerability within him. The vulnerability he had tried for so long to hide, to conceal. But he has to remind himself that Lucas has seen that side of him so many times before and he still chooses to stay. He understands that Eliott’s bipolar doesn’t define him, that he’s so much more than the moods that disrupt at the most unexpected times. Lucas has seen this, Eliott’s worst and his best, and here he still is.

It baffles Eliott sometimes, how someone can love him that much. 

“Because you couldn’t sleep?” Lucas runs his fingers through the hair that has fallen flat over Eliott’s forehead.

Eliott nods. “It just felt like something was irking at me, with that, and with the noises. I just—” he sighs then, frustration taking over when he isn’t able to formulate how he’s feeling into words that make sense. “It was just a feeling.” 

“Was there something on your mind?” Lucas wonders. His voice is so gentle, so open and caring and ready to listen that it creates an ache in Eliott’s chest. He hates that he’s having these thoughts when Lucas is so clearly displaying the complete opposite through his actions, proving Eliott wrong every single time. 

But he can’t help it.

“Sorry I called you,” he says instead.

Lucas shakes his head slightly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Stop apologising for that. I told you I’ll be here for you whenever, that means any time of the day, and I mean that.”

”But I can’t call you every time I think I might be having an episode. That’s not fair on you. It’s not fair to put that all on you.”

Lucas is moving closer before Eliott has even finished talking, getting right up into Eliott’s space. “We spoke about this,” it’s a quiet reminder, “and I told you that I don’t care. Call me at ten at night or at four in the morning and I’m fucking there, because I know you’d do the same if it was me. I know you would.” The last part comes out in barely a whisper, it doesn’t take away from the weight of his words though. His eyes are piercing, intense and sincere.

”It’s a lot though,” Eliott’s eyes flicker down to the sheets between them, “It’s a lot for me to put onto you.” He notices how the duvet is inside out, the stitching visible and a washing instructions label sticking out. And it’s not all that interesting, it’s really not a pressing matter whatsoever, but he just needs something to stop the heaviness in his chest. “Why is this inside out?” 

“What?” Lucas looks confused.

”The duvet cover, it’s inside out.” 

Lucas moves back slightly and looks down, his expression remotely thrown off. “I didn’t even realise.”

“We should fix it.” Eliott murmurs, tracing the edges with his finger.

Lucas’ eyes move back to Eliott’s and he huffs out a quiet laugh, “Baby, it’s not important,” Eliott’s heart jumps, “Listen to me when I say this, okay?”

Eliott nods. Lucas runs gentle fingers along his cheek. “It is a lot, I know it is. It’s a lot for you to go through, but you’re not putting anything onto me. I just want to be here for you. I know it’s hard, and I know that I won’t always be able to be there. But I’ll try,  _ I want to try _ . Because for you, it’s worth it,” Lucas rests their foreheads together, whispers, “for you, it’s worth everything.”

Eliott feels the tears forcing their way into the corners of his eyes, he tries to blink past them but it only causes them to break free, droplets catching themselves in his eyelashes and falling down his cheeks with every flutter. Lucas wipes them away as soon as they hit his skin.

“What if I fuck this up?” his voice is shaky, his eyes falling shut, “I’m so scared that I’m going to fuck this up.”

Scared is an understatement, he’s terrified, really.

“You won’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

He feels Lucas’ hands press firmly into his cheeks, urging Eliott to open his eyes. “Why do you keep apologising? There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

The exhale Eliott lets out gets caught in his throat, it sounds more like a choked up sob than a breath, and he’d be more embarrassed about it if it weren’t for the non-judgemental look Lucas is watching him with — eyes filled with understanding and his sad smile reassuring. 

“Because I know this will happen again. I’ll freak out and I’ll think I know what’s best. Because I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ll probably do it anyway. I’ll push you away because I don’t want you to have to deal with this. And it’s already happened twice now, I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you, or that I don’t think you’ll be there for me. I just can’t help it, feeling like a burden to you.”

Lucas blinks slowly, taking in Eliott’s words, before he sighs quietly. 

“It’s  _ okay _ if it happens again, though. We said minute by minute, didn’t we?” His hand moves to rest along Eliott’s jawline, his thumb tracing soft lines and circles to his skin. “So this minute you don’t feel good because you thought you were having an episode and it frightened you.” Eliott nods, Lucas continues. “Okay. And you felt bad for calling me so late, you don’t want to end up doing that every time, because you think it’s unfair to me.” 

It’s simultaneously startling and comforting knowing how easily Lucas can read him, how well they know each other’s ways and thoughts and minds after only half a year or so. But it only goes to show how good they are together, how much this just works.

When Eliott only nods again Lucas keeps speaking. “And it’s totally fine for you to feel like that. Because this minute you may feel down, sure, but maybe in five or twenty minutes you’ll be laughing at one of my dumb jokes. Or maybe you just need to feel sad for a little while, and that’s okay, too. I’ll be here though, every minute. I’m here.”

”You’re here,” Eliott whispers back. 

The corners of Lucas’ lips curl up slightly. “I’m here,” he repeats, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Eliott’s breath shudders as he exhales, it’s so fucking overwhelming. He never thought someone like Lucas could exist. Someone so understanding and unpatronising and empathetic. Someone who makes Eliott feel like his worries are justified, that he’s never being stupid or fretting for no reason. Lucas just gets it. He always knows exactly what Eliott needs to hear and it fills Eliott’s heart with so much love for him more and more each day.

“I love you, Lucas.” Eliott feels his own smile fighting its way onto his face when Lucas’ eyes light up at the words.

”I love you too, so much.” He presses a kiss to Eliott’s forehead, but he doesn’t pull away. He just lets his lips rest there, it’s calming and strangely intimate. Breath ghosts across his face as he moves down, pressing soft kisses down Eliott’s nose, across his cheeks, onto his chin, along his jawline. By the time Lucas reaches his lips Eliott is giggling, because it tickles, because he loves Lucas so much it hurts.

Lucas kisses him attentively. It’s gentle and loving, causes Eliott’s heart to flutter and his fingers to grasp onto the material of Lucas’ t-shirt to pull him closer. He feels alleviated, Lucas had listened to Eliott’s worries and he hadn’t shut them down in a way Eliott was so used to in his previous relationships. Lucas had listened, and he had understood, and he made everything feel okay again. 

“We’re gonna be okay,” Lucas mumbles into Eliott’s lips when they separate, caressing his cheek with the back of his hand. 

Eliott leans into the touch with a smile. “I know,” he says, “as long as I have you with me.”

Something about the smile Lucas gives him in return, the way the moon casts a soft glow over them, the fire in Eliott’s heart, tells him that they’re going to be just fine. As long as they have each other and these moments filled with love and tenderness and simplicity, everything will be fine.

”You have me. You have all of me.”

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t know why i always end up writing elu cuddling in bed for prompt fills, it’s where they are softest i suppose. i will not apologise for it 
> 
> my tumblr - [@lumierelovers](https://lumierelovers.tumblr.com/)
> 
> let me know what u think, LOVE U <3


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